Seduction

I'm shit at seduction. This mainly arose due to going to a mixed-sex school until I was twelve, but one that had developed a very strict "boys and girls don't mix because the girls carry INFECTIOUS DISEASES" regime. I guess somebody somewhere was afraid of puberty...

So, while my sexuality was really starting to develop, girls were a taboo subject, and I couldn't have been seen talking to one; I did spend most of my time at the school with a rather powerful crush on one particular girl, of course!

Then I went to an all-male school, which removed any opportunity to start experimenting with girls for many years; the school bus also serviced some all-girls schools, but statistics were not on my side, as the intersection of "within my age range" and "actually attractive to me" was roughly zero much of the time - until when I was 15, when I met that horny-yet-devout blonde on the school bus who became my first girlfriend; there had been a few near-misses, but I was unable to act on them, as I simply had no idea how to approach the issue. Heck, I didn't even know how to initiate a conversation with one of them.

I only got to go out with my first girlfriend, because she decided to set her sights on me, and kept coming and chatting to me; then one day she said "So, aren't you going to ask me out, then?" - I was momentarily dumbstruck, then fumbling said "Oh... uh... will you go out with me?". We exchanged phone numbers, and the next day (the first day of the Christmas holiday) I called her and we arranged to meet; it was only on the second 'date' that she expectantly noted I'd not kissed her yet, whereupon I clumsily attempted to shove my tongue into her mouth! She was the experienced one, so she taught me how to kiss properly and so on. When we broke up nine months later, I was again hamstrung by the fact that I had incredibly limited access to girls my age, but at least when I managed to resolve that, I knew roughly what it was like to have a girlfriend - but I still didn't have a clue about seduction. After all, she'd thrown herself at fumbling awkward me...

So my seduction technique worked like this. I'd need to find an excuse to chat casually with my "target". Generally, this meant we'd have to be in a casual-chatting situation to begin with, or I'd be sunk (I relied purely on luck to find an innocent reason to initiate conversation). For some reason, I was terrified to reveal my attraction until I was sure it was likely to be reciprocated, so I'd need a pretty solid reason to be chatting.

On the one hand, this led to a common complaint of "Well if you fancied me, why didn't you make a pass at the start?" if I finally managed in my seduction - I tended to appear to Just Want To Be Friends most of the time, which didn't help! But on the other hand, it did give us a chance to find out how well we get along before trying to move things further.

Anyway, if we got chatting, I'd have to find a reason to end up alone. If we were in a group walking somewhere, I'd walk faster or slower and see if we managed to get ahead or behind (us being so engrossed in our conversation that this was not objected to by her is, of course, a promising sign). Then would come the risky part - I'd need some excuse to initiate physical contact. Perhaps we'd go through a crowd of people, where holding hands would seem a logical thing to do. Or perhaps she'd complain of being cold (excellent sign!) or would express sadness about something, giving an excuse to put an arm around her shoulders for a little squeeze.

Next comes the crucial bit. When the rationale for this innocent contact has passed, I'd loosen it slightly and linger just a little. At this point, her body language is the key. Does she reciprocate the loosening and step away... or does she snuggle in closer?

If it's the latter - WELL DONE! You're 90% there. Continue it for a while, just to make sure, then find a natural-seeming point to face each other. Look into her eyes. If she's happy and smiling and stands close to you, KISS HER!

That technique worked for me... and it worked well, if I got to the chatting stage; the rest usually followed naturally (if slowly); I'm good at talking to people, and I tend to put them at their ease. I have little difficulty in gaining peoples' trust (which is probably why I've deflowered three virgins in my time). However, getting to the chatting stage has always had a very high failure rate. There have been so many women I've liked the look of but had no way to start chatting to them.

The biggest issue is that I'm just not confident enough to walk up to somebody and strike up a conversation without an excuse. I've been asked questions by girls waiting next to me in queues and then been in bed with them before the day was out - and I've been to "notorious meat-market" nightclubs with my student friends, then gone home sad and alone.

A lot of my peers seem to have the opposite problem, though; they get chatting to girls, then after some awkwardness, the conversation ends and they go their separate ways. So I find myself wondering what my secret is.

I guess part of it is that I tend to view the situation as that I'm chatting to somebody who has a resource I'd like to borrow. That this resource is a beautiful body and a sparkling personality, as opposed ot a lawnmower, is irrelevant.

If you saw somebody using an awesome lawnmower (that would mow your lawn in minutes) in your street, it would be crass to be blatantly talking to them purely in order to try and borrow it. You're much more likely to get to borrow it if you're generally friendly and likeable so your lawnmower-gifted neighbour likes the idea of hanging around and chatting while you use their mower, and appear to be the kind of person who'll use a mower responsibly rather than returning it covered in dents and not properly maintained. And it certainly helps if you have something you can lend in return. Exactly the same logic applies if what you're trying to borrow is a vagina rather than a mower (and there's even hilarious puns to be had about the fact that both require lubrication). Just bear that in mind the next time you see a girl you want to fuck: she's a human being, who happens to have a resource you'd like to borrow. But she won't lend it to you unless she trusts you, feels inclined to be around you in the first place, and thinks there'll be something in it for her, rather than just feeling you've used her (be it for sex or narcissistic love). She has something you want - and, hopefully, you have something she wants. What you need to do is to try and mutually realise this!

I'd love to overcome my initial shyness, though. It's made the initial stages of seduction unpleasantly stressful and demoralising over the years. Now I've been been in a stable relationship for many years, ironically, I've started to build up enough self-confidence that it might be less stressful. My wife's interested in me seducing other women, in principle, but is a bit nervous about the details as she's not sure if she'd suddenly get jealous... It's not a great issue for me, but I'd certainly enjoy overcoming my inhibitions and being able to "chat girls up" in a way I missed out when I was young and single; and I like novelty in sex, so sleeping with other women would be nice, too.